Today was another short visit to the clinic for blood tests. All is well; the oncologist recommended I eat foods rich in potassium rather than take those awful pills. Can do!
After all this time, I am finally getting a handle on pain management, with help from Julie and "the team." That's what it really is all about. So I don't have breakthrough pain between doses, the nurse will consult with the doctor. Perhaps I can shorten the time between doses, take something else or even more of the same (oxycodone).
So there is nothing unplanned or happenstance about the pain. It is always there unless I take the right meds and at the right time. It's all about:
Tumor lysis syndrome (TLS) is a condition that occurs when a large number of cancer cells die within a short period, releasing their contents in to the blood.
I think anyone who hasn't been through chemo with a loved one or has been through it themselves has an assumption which is that we assume we know how we are going to be feeling in a day or two. If I feel good today, I should feel good tomorrow or even further out. This is such a luxury. To me, if I feel good, this moment, that's all I have. I can't count on feeling good the next hour. That is a very Buddhist way of thinking but it also reminds me of the song, "This Moment" by Incredible String Band. ISB is comforting me, as is Buddhism and Robert Beatty of the Portland Insight Meditation Community.
Is different
From any
Before it
And this moment
It's now
And if I
Don't kiss you
That kiss is
Untasted
I'll never
No never
Get it back
But why should
I want to
I'll be in
The next moment
Sweet lover
Sweet now
The walls of this room
Are different from any before them
They are now
They are now
Is different from any before it
It is now
It is now
You may think that life is repeating
Repeating
You may think that life is repeating
Oh no
Each moment
Is different
From any before it
Each moment
Is different
It's now
This is so beautiful - your whole post. Thank goodness you’re getting a handle on pain management even if you don’t know moment to moment how you’ll be feeling - and also that you have a team helping you get through this marathon.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful poem!
ReplyDelete